Hit By A Smooth Criminal
by Alex Sambora
Summary: Cranky is killed by someone from his past and an annonymous tip leads them all on a wild ride of deja vu.WrinklyxKarate.Don't ask why I changed it to a normal story. Oh look, I finally updated!
1. The Command

DTOTF: I only own Rihana and Ryver. Remember what the DKC characters look like in our fanfics.

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_Why is the Earth here so dry?_

_Assassiness Rihana of the water... Assassin Ryver of the water..._

_Come hither_

A pair of hedgehog twins, the girl blue and the boy a lighter blue, appeared infront of the wind spirit.

"What is it, master?" the eldest, Rihana, asked.

_There is a man on the Kongo island. He is the patriarch._

"And his name?" the youngest, Ryver, said.

_..Cranky._

**Kongo Bongo**

"So what's on the agenda for today, m'lord?" The Torikage looked up and sighed.

"The usual, Koiyuki," he said. Koiyuki Totsukio nodded.

"Alright, sir."

He walked out only to come back in after a slight thudding noise.

"m-m'lord?" he stuttered. He walked in and didn't see the Torikage at his desk. He cautiously walked aroudn to where Cranky usually was and let out a most un-manly screech, running out the door.


	2. What The Hell?

DTOTF: We only own Tommy, Koru, Emily, Ryver, and Rihana.

BLA: We do not own Sonic The Hedgehog, DKC, or the song _If You Were Gay_.

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Chp. 1-What The Hell?

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"Wrinkly! Wrinkly!"

Wrinkly peeked over the top of the _Me And My Brothers_ volume she was reading and let out a groan.

"Hi, Tommy," she said. Her nephew shook with panic.

"Wrinkly, it's about Cranky!" he yelled.

"Oh that's real interesting."

"Wrinkly you don't understand!"

"So, uh... why are you telling _me_ this?" Tommy was surprised at his aunt's actions. "Do I care? I don't care. So what did you do today?"

"Wrinkly, you are not _listening_ to--"

"I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE!!!!!!" Wrinkly snapped. "Why should I care about some gay guy you met, OK? I am just trying to read my book."

"Grah..." Tommy growled. An idea then popped into his mind. "Well, OK. But just so you know..." He then went into that whole _If You Were Gay_ song until something clicked in Wrinkly's mind.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" she screamed, grabbing Tommy's shoulders and shaking him. "CRANKY HAS BEEN ASSASSINATED?!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME INSTEAD OF MAKING US GO THROUGH THAT WHOLE DAMNED _IF YOU WERE GAY_ SONG?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"I tried and then you just started saying those lines!" Tommy insisted. "I thought that if I started singing it, you'd snap out of whatever the bloody hell you were doing!"

**Later**

"This is an outrage!" an islander cried out.

The entire Kong clan and also other familier were gathered outside of the Torikage's office.

"s'Cuse me, s'cuse me," Wrinkly said, pushing through the crowd.

"Torakige-sama!" one of the medic ninjas said making Wrinkly turn around.

"What?"

"I'm not trying to be rude or anything but... Where have you been?! We sent your brother's son to get you thirty minutes ago."

"We had a ru-in with the song _If You Were Gay_," Tommy, whom Wrinkly was dragging on the ground, explained. As Wrinkly continued dragging him away, the others looked at each other.

"What the hell?" Tiny said.


	3. An Old Friend

Wrinkly walked home. It'd been two days since her husband's death and she still couldn't believe it because after all, he was like an older brother to her. Everything that occured--from seeing the bloody mess in the Torikage's office to having to hear it be repeated over and over again on the news--had sent her into a trance of depression.

And that made her not realize the noise behind her.

"Hey, _Madamoiselle_ Kong. What're you doing out so late?"

This caught her attention.

The voice sounded awfully sinister but not like one she remembered.

"What?!" was all she had time to say before the shadow figure slammed a knife down onto her.

"KYAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Wrinkly waited for pain. None came though. She opened her eyes and found that another figure had sent a flying kick towards the one attempting to kill her and now karate chopping him. Though this man was covered in blood, she still vaguely recognized him.

Because she'd only known of one person whose specialties were flying kciks and karate chops.

"K-Karate!" she said, her eyes brightening.

"Inari," Karate said, coming back over to her. "Are you OK?" His ex-best friend's wife wiped away the tears in her eyes. "You're crying. Why?"

"I'm just so happy to see you again, so happy that you saved me." She flung her arms around him, giving a tight embrace. "Karate...!"

"I-Inari!" Karate panicked, worried someone would see this.

"Karate, what're you _doing_ here?!" Wrinkly literally cried. "You could be killed! Cranky's not around to choose a punishment for you should you be spotted..."

"Your son called me."

At this, Wrinkly's ears perked.

"DK?"

"Yes, he called me. He told me about Sr.'s death so I came. He's a nice boy, really, even if he did defeat me in the sixth kingdom of the Fruit Kingdoms. You've raised him well." He saw her trembling shoulders and the fact her face was burried in his chest.

"K-Karate... I'm so sorry..." she whimpered.

"For what?" Karate asked. Wrinkly looked up at him.

"For getting you exhiled."

"Why would you take the blame?"

"Because... I picked _Cranky_ over _you_..."

Silence.

Karate's mouth opened a little as he stared at her, shocked.

"What?!" he said.

"Karate, I love you," Wrinkly explained. "I always have. Since the first moment we met. There was a crush but it was weaker than the one I had on Cranky back then."


	4. Cranky's Message

"I... I can't believe it..."

"Karate, it's been two hours. Please quit saying that?"

"I know but..." Karate took in a deep breath. "I can't."

"Shut up," Wrinkly, her face flustering, said while she shoved a mango into his face.

"I have a question though," Karate said, removing the mango.

"What's that?"

"At my trial... Why weren't you there?"

Silence.

Wrinkly played with her papaya, her face still pinkish-red.

"Well... DK was only an infant back when that happened... I'd only had him seven months prior so..."

"I understand," Karate said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "The baby comes first."

"I would've been there, though," Wrinkly said. "Curse the responsibility of being a mother."

"I understand. I thought you hated papayas?"

"Huh?" Karate pointed at the chunk taken out of the papaya in Wrinkly's hand. "Oh... Well, that was over thirty years ago. Things have changed since then."

"I understand." Karate munched on a mango. "You know, no offense, but as old as you are, you still look pretty young."

"Thanks. So do you." Karate scoffed.

"Me? You're kidding right?"

"No, you really do look good."

"I'm fifty years old," Karate started, squeezing the juice out of his fruit on the ground in front of him, "black, _and_ I have a funny sounding voice!"

"I don't think it's funny sounding," Wrinkly said. Karate smiled.

"Wow, thanks," he said and looked at his watch. "I gotta go. It's after eleven." Wrinkly sat up, her eyes wide, and gasped, a little shocked.

"_What?_ It _is_?"

"Uh-huh."

"Wow. Didn't realize it was that late when I left DK's house." Karate got up.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Sure?"

The martial artist left after saying goodnight. Wrinkly stayed for another ten minutes before finally getting up. As she walked down the hill the fruit tree sat on, a voice on the wind carried her name.

"Wrinkly..."

She turned around, surprised.

"W-who's there?!"

"Turn around Wrinkly..."

She did and her legs gave out.

"C-Cranky!" she literally cried. Cranky stood right infront of her, blood falling down his front and staining his shirt.

"Wrinkly." She could tell he was trying to speak louder but his voice didn't come much above a whisper. "I want to be with you. To hold you in my arms again. But I can't. I'm sorry."

"Cranky?" Wrinkly said when he turned around. He dashed off. "Cranky!"

"I'm sorry, my love," Cranky said. He ran up the hill and down the other side. Wrinkly followed. "I love you, please forgive me."

"Cranky what--?"

"I want you to be with Karate! Do you hear me?" His voice was harsh but as Wrinkly neared the top of the hill, she didn't see him in sight. His voice, however, carried on the wind. "Make sure he does whatever it takes to make you happy."

"Cranky!" she called. She ran faster and tripped over a branch growing out of the ground from the fruit tree.

And she didn't get up.


	5. Recovering

DD: I don't own anything. Sorry about the wait, been busy with writer's block, school, drawing, etc.

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"Come on, Dread, you can take me!"

"No! Last time you broke my face!"

"It was an accident!"

"No it wasn't!"

"How?"

"Dad asked you if it was an accident and you said that it wasn't because I stole something from you and we both wound up getting in trouble!"

"WOULD YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP AND FIGHT?"

At that voice, Wrinkly's eyes snapped open. She recognized it and sat up from where she'd been laying on the floor and looked around. It was a Japanese-styled room, probably even the house was like the ones in Japan.

"Seriously!" the familiar voice yelled. "Get on with it you two!"

Wrinkly stood up and followed the sound of the voices. She wound up in the doorway of what looked like a training room. Four men and a girl stood in there, two of the boys fighting. The girl seemed to enjoy it so she tried to jump in but the one with the white hair, the oldest of them all, grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way.

"Not now, Lillyanne," he said. "You'll get your chance in a minute if Ninja and Dread don't tear each other apart."

The boy with the dread locks attempted a flying kick at the other guy but missed and went straight for the doorway. The oldest male grabbed him and flung him towards the opposite wall.

"K-Karate, what was _that_?" Wrinkly screamed, looking at the white-haired guy.

"Sorry, Inari," he said. "My oldest kids, Ninja and Dread, were having a rematch. Last time they fought Ninja broke Dread's face." He pointed to the boy with the dread locks that had been thrown into the wall. Scars littered his face. "Dread's the one that almost rammed into you."

"I-I'm sorry," the dread-locked boy, apparently Dread, stammered. "I didn't see you behind Ninja." Wrinkly nodded in understanding.

Silence.

"OK, so um..." Karate started, thinking. "Inari, that's Dread, that's Ninja, that's Sumo, and this is Lillyanne, my only daughter." He looked at his kids. "This is an old friend... and previous crush."

'_Oh god he _had_ to bring that up,_' Wrinkly thought, her face turning red. The four kids looked at her and a deadly look came over Lillyanne's face.

"So it was _you_," the teenager snarled. "_You're_ the girl who hurt our father all those years ago."

"Lillyanne Renee, drop it." Lillyanne looked at her father when she heard his voice.

"But-"

"It's all history now," Karate said. "It was over thirty years ago."

There was a long silence in the room. He spoke again.

"Kids, you know the routine. Do it pronto." The four nodded and filed out. Karate looked at Wrinkly. "I'm sorry about my daughter. She's too much to handle."

"It's OK," Wrinkly said. "I'm used to that kind of stuff. How long was I out?"

"Since 11:30 last night."

"What time is it now?"

"11:45 P. M." Wrinkly's eyes widenened.

"And those four are just now going to bed? How old are they?"

"You don't seem to be worried that you were out for a little over twenty-four hours," Karate said, laughing. "But the boys are between seventeen and twenty-two years of age and Lillyanne is almost sixteen. There's no school in the Fruit Kingdoms but those four are still very intelligent."

"But-" Wrinkly was cut off by a loud grumbling noise. Karate laughed harder as her face turned red and she slipped her hands on to her stomach.

"Seems to me like someone's hungry." He took her hand, his face slightly red as well. "Come with me. I'll get you something to eat."

XV

"Oh come on," Karate said when Wrinkly drew her hand back towards her once more, the limb going back into the sleeve of the martial artist's button-up shirt. Carefully and slowly he rolled up the sleeves. "Stupid thing's bigger than you are. And just eat, it's not poisonous."

"Who made it?" Wrinkly asked.

"Hey, I've always been a far better cook than Senior."

More silence.

"I'm sorry," Karate said. Wrinkly grabbed one of the ridiculously over-sized rice balls and munched on it. He looked down. "I just heard about what happened. Despite all that occured all those years ago, he was like a brother."

Even more silence.

"He never forgave himself." Karate looked at Wrinkly. "Senior. For months afterwards, I'd catch him in his office at home crying his eyes out." She sighed. "You know why he did what he did, don't you? He didn't want you to rot in jail or face execution. Banishment was what he chose to protect you. He told me right after you were sentenced that if he ever saw you again after you left, he would try to make things right." She took his hand. "For the next two years, I have control of the island. I say what goes and what doesn't."

"Why are you telling me that?" Karate asked.

"Because I'm going to do what he never could."


End file.
